Wake Up Call
by Kaoh
Summary: Episode tag for 4x14 'At First Blush'.  Lisbon POV.


A.N. This is an episode tag for "At First Blush" episode 4x14. Two lines jumped right out and grabbed me in that episode and they inspired this piece of introspection on Lisbon's part.

**Wake Up Call**

Signing the final paper with a flourish, Lisbon gathered the file together with satisfaction. Another case closed, an innocent set free. It didn't get any better than that. Stretching, Lisbon started to head for the break room for a well-earned coffee when she was pulled up short by the discussion the junior members of her team were having. She hesitated so as not to interrupt the conversation.

"_I can't believe that you tripped him. The look on his face!" Rigsby chuckled._

Lisbon sucked in a breath. She had thought that Grace had her anger issues under control after their last little chat. There had been no more complaints, in fact Grace had seemed a lot calmer and at peace with herself since her expedition in the woods.

"_Well he deserved it! Did you hear what he said about us, about Jane?" Van Pelt said defensively. "Jane is showboating and we are his stooges."_

"_Hey. I never said that the idiot didn't deserve it. And we both know that he is wrong. Look at the sloppy work that he did on the . . . . ." _

Rigsby's voice trailed off as Teresa swiftly moved back to her office closing the door behind her. She had heard more than enough.

Seeking refuge behind her desk, she slumped forward with her head in her hands. When had this all started to go wrong? How is it that now her unit was the laughing stock of Law Enforcement? First Ardilles, now this. Oh she had always felt the resentment from LEO's. She had to defend Jane sometimes on an hourly basis, but she felt that the team results would earn them some grudging respect.

"_I can see the problem now. It's you." _

Teresa breathed in slowly and deeply. Ardilles maybe a pompous jackass, but was he right? Was she was the problem, not Jane?

It was her job to keep him in line, to guide him. She had to admit that lately, she wasn't doing such a good job of that. She had started on a slippery slope, had been swept away by the whirlwind that was Patrick Jane, and now she felt as though she had lost her way.

She remembered telling Bosco that Jane made her a better cop. Now she wasn't so sure. With each passing day, Lisbon felt her skills waning, her confidence ebbing, increasingly relying Jane's skills and hunches. The only time that she had felt truly in control of late had been when she had worked Willie's case solo.

When had she become so dependant? When had she started to collude in making the 'coolade' rather than tempering it?

Pushing away from the desk, Teresa started pacing, nervously reaching for the cross around her neck.

This path that she had started on was starting to swallow her life. There was no peace in her world, just constant worry and guilt. She had been so pathetically grateful to have Jane confide in her. But at what cost?

There could be no turning back now. For better or worse, Jane's life was now enmeshed with her own. Jane needed her, and heaven help her, she needed him. She would do anything in her power to save him.

Slowly stopping, Teresa gaped at the enormity of that thought. She knew that she would do anything in her power to save him.

Anything.

She felt the air rush out of her lungs. The realisation almost crushed her.

Sinking onto her couch, Lisbon raised a shaky hand to push her fringe from her eyes. The job had always been everything to her. She believed in the system, believed in justice. Her whole life was based on her faith and belief. Patrick Jane had worked on her like water on a stone. Little by little he had worn away her resistance, battering at her belief structure until she was no longer aware how far she had strayed.

Dammit. She wanted to help him. She needed to protect him. God help her, she cared for him!

A single tear escaped leaving behind a trail of moisture. She felt so lost and alone.

"I'm the problem", she whispered to herself, clutching her crucifix tightly, her eyes searching for solace. The guilt stifling. She had allowed this to happen. The weight of the responsibility for her own actions, or lack thereof was a burden that she must now carry.

"I'm the problem" she said a little stronger, anger starting to replace her desperate introspection. Anger at her gullibility, at her own need to 'mother' Jane, at her own carelessness. There was a reason that she didn't do personal with her colleagues, she had been burned before! How had she walked into this trap again in such a monumental way? Plausible deniability was one thing, but she wasn't stupid.

Her anger was building, burning away the look of hopelessness. She was strong. Her life had moulded her, taught her how to survive. She would continue to support Jane, how could she not? But she would support him her way. She would hold true to her beliefs, stand firm.

If she was the problem, then she sure as hell would become the solution.


End file.
